New Year's Revolution

Okay, yes, I know I haven't posted on this blog since November 1. But I have many, many reasons. Not excuses...reasons. Here are the top ten:

10. I was kidnapped by aliens--not the beautiful-but-flat-chested, Jazzercising kind, but honest to dog aliens--and their Internet does not support inter-planetary communication.
9. One of my multiple personalities, Starla, was in charge, and she refuses to use a computer because she believes that they emit radiation that causes a vitamin K deficiency, wrinkles, and the impulse to ballet dance down Main Street wearing a hat with fruit and combat fatigues, while twirling fire batons and singing Hello Dolly.
8. I've been on a Top Secret mission for Homeland Security.
7. My dog ate my laptop.
6. I've spent every spare moment exercising.
5. I've eaten so little that I was too light-headed to type.
4. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and multiple family birthdays in rapid succession.
3. We finally sold our house, and downsized to a condo 1/3 the size and it is quite time consuming to rid yourself of 2/3 of your belongings, but you can only fit so much stuff into 1,400 square feet.
2. I'm in a funk because of the move I thought I wanted to a downtown condo, walking distance to everything, including all my favorite restaurants and the Starbucks where Renee Zellweger was hanging out until The Greenville News chased her off--and the hotel where George Clooney is staying during location filming for Leatherheads. Not that I'm a star-stalker--I mean, I'm sure they're very nice people, but honestly, I get no thrill out of close encounters with celeberties.
1. I'm this year's chairperson for the South Carolina Writers Workshop Conference, and while this is a volunteer position, it is taking more of my time than any fulltime job I have ever had in my entire life--not that I'm complaining--au contraire--most days it's a blast.

Okay, those last four were for real.