Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A Little Too Real to Be Fiction

My sister sent me this story. I don’t forward emails…it’s just one of those rules that I live by that I occasionally break when I feel like it. This one smacked of reality, so I thought I’d post it. Let me state, for the record, that I do not condone drunk driving, do not personally believe that folks from Tennessee are any more prone to drinking than the rest of us, and do not consider “Hillbilly” a slur anymore than say, New Yorker. It’s all just geography.

Anyway, with apologies to any one from Paris, Tennessee, who might not see the humor…
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris, Tennessee. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."INT00077692

4 comments:

Rain-drop said...

Hiya, I'm a friend of Elysabeth's and she pointed me towards your blog. I'd like to say thanks for posting this story! I thought it was really great. Funny. Is it really fiction?

The ending surprised me, but what a twist! This is something I'll pass on to other people to read. Thanks for sharing!

Susan Boyer said...

Hey Rain-drop!

Nice to meet you. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I wish I could take credit for it, but it waspassed on to me by my sister, who got it from someone else, who got it from...you get the picture. Whoever started the thing on the email rounds claimed it was true. I actually went to the website for the local newspaper in Paris, Tennessee, to see if I could find any mention of it. There was a lot of entertaining stuff there, but I didn't see this in the crime section. Although, I have no idea when it supposedly took place.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for commenting.

Peace, out...

Anonymous said...

You must have a really cool sister. I hope you're good to her! (tee hee hee)

Susan Boyer said...

I have the best sister ever. I just wish she lived closer to me so I could see her more often. I'm thinking if we sell our house we may move next door to her...or maybe just move into her house. She can't cook anything but fried baloney sandwiches, cereal and takeout, but she's the only member of the family who will play board games with me without being coerced, threatened or hog-tied.